Kilo and I got up early to walk in the drizzle and fog and now she is invigorated and ready to play. I am still cold, wet and shivering, and not.
I'm no longer as grateful for the abundant moisture as I probably should be. I've quit emptying or even checking my rain gauge, because lately I get the feeling that rain is creating a monster in my back yard. I've spent many years building a very uncomplicated and very leisurely, "do whatever I want and only whenever I want to do it" life for myself, and when we started this project I could actually visualize "beautiful Spring mornings enjoying great coffee in a neat area by a waterfall".
HA -
It's nothing but weedeaters, lawn mowers, clippers, rakes, shovels and wheel barrows from the first of March until the end of November. And I do the work from behind foul tasting quick cups of coffee from the convenience store because I can't take the time to make it myself.
I get it now. The noose of responsibility is tightening. Until Kilo came to live with me full time I had never accepted responsibility for another living thing, not even a house plant. That was a difficult decision at first because she was a guard dog and is pretty much attuned to one person, but since I've known and loved her for years, and I'm not around very many people anyway, I let her move in. At the time I worked in a restricted office in a secured building so I just took her to work from the first day. I still take her anywhere I go and the end result is a great friend and companion for only minimal inconvenience. The pond is another story. I walked into a trap while day-dreaming about the next new thing that I might enjoy, and although we did build the nice place to sit by a waterfall, by activating this ecosystem we also took on the responsibility for a whole variety of living things (fish, frogs, birds, and a few ornamental plants). They now depend on us on an almost daily basis, and just as with Kilo, I could never take that lightly. It would be sinful to neglect them in any way.
I'm doomed.